Tag Archives: Humor

Songs for roleplayers: You’re Welcome

GM-Maui explains how he game-mastered the world into being.

Here is something silly to start the week with, a song based on ‘You’re Welcome‘ from the movie Moanayou can see the original on youtube here – but this version is about GMs and their creation of wonders and adventures.

You’re Welcome

Ok, ok, I see what’s happening here
You’re face to face with greatness, and it’s strange
You don’t even know how you feel
It’s adorable!
Well, it’s nice to see that players never change

Open your eyes, let’s begin
Yes, it’s really me, it’s GM: breathe it in!

I know it’s a lot: the dice, the screen!
When you’re staring at a character sheet

What can I say except you’re welcome
For the dice, the dungeon, the monsters
Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay
You’re welcome
I’m just an extra-ordinary DM

What has two thumbs that drew up the dungeon
When you were waddling yay high
This guy!

When the days got dark
Who stole you to adventures down below
You’re lookin’ at him, yo

Oh, also I planted the treasures
You’re welcome!
To stretch the days and bring you fun

Also I bound the rulebooks
You’re welcome!
To fill your dreams and shake your days

So what can I say except you’re welcome
For the adventures I pulled from the sheet
There’s no need to pray, it’s okay
You’re welcome!
Ha, I guess it’s just my way of being me
You’re welcome!
You’re welcome!

Well, come to think of it
Kid, honestly I can go on and on
I can explain every hack’n’slash phenomenon
The dice, the orcs, the goblins, oh
That was DM just messing around

I killed a party
I buried treasure
Sprouted a story, now you got adventure
What’s the lesson
What is the story
Don’t mess with DM the master of ploy

And the tapestry here on my screen
Is a map of the parties I’ve slain
Look where I’ve played
I make everything happen
Look at the minis and the dice just tippity-tappin’

Well, anyway let me say you’re welcome
For the advenutres you know
Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay
You’re welcome!
Well, come to think of it, I’m off to play

Hey, it’s your day to say you’re welcome
‘Cause I’m gonna need that beer
I’m playin’ the day away
You’re welcome!
‘Cause GM can do anything but play alone

You’re welcome!
You’re welcome!
And thank you!

— — —

I am no song writer, and I apologize for the poor rhyming, but sometimes a song just demands a rewrite.

One Does Not Simply Walk Under Illefarn

one-does-not-simply-walk-into-mordor_1394963912After several evenings of storming the dungeons of The Temple of Elemental Evil we decided to put the module to a rest since not too much happened, as the dungeons were deadly and it kept being supplied by new monsters, forcing the players to deal with areas they had already explored. Instead we decided to play N5 Under Illefarn (1987), which consists of three small introductory adventures and then a huge dwarven mine divided by three factions.

One does not simply walk into the mines of Illefarn. Its dark corridors are patrolled by more than just orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep. The dreadful necromancer and the dwarven prince are ever watchful. It is a barren dungeon, riddled with old traps, new traps, and empty rooms. The water rushing from the mines is a poisonous sludge. Not with ten thousand sessions could you map this. It is folly.

Boromir on exploring the dwarven mines of lost Illefarn.

One Does Not Simply Walk into Temple of Elemental Evil

one-does-not-simply-walk-into-mordor_1394963912This blog has been quiet for all too long. I shall attempt to raise it from its slumber, as have not been quiet regarding roleplaying. Revently I have explored Temple of Elemental Evil with my homebrewed OSR Hinterlandet (The Hinterlands).

One does not simply walk into The Temple of Elemental Evil. Its black corridors are haunted by more than just orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep. Zuggtmoy er ever watchful. It is a multi-level dungeon, riddled with fire, air and earth. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand party members could you explore this. It is folly.

Boromir on playing Temple of Elemental Evil.